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Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ~Mk 10:14 Carley's Site was last updated 01/03/02 10:47:49 PM
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In the first few days since we have been home, Steve and I have been literally flooded
with cards, flowers, memorials, gifts, calls, e-mails and visitors. I am surprised
and so very touched by the sheer amount of people who have come forward to tell
us they love us, and each time someone - even people I don't know well - come to
me to tell me they are sorry, I heal a little more.
This experience has truly tested me as a woman, a person, and as a Christian. I had moments when I wanted to die right along with Carley, moments when I wanted to kill someone, moments when I felt like I had to fight to stay alive. I hated God for quite a few hours on Monday the 12th. I hated everything and everyone for not being able to do something to bring Carley back to me. I hated the other pregnant women on the floor for delivering their healthy babies, and for being oblivious to my anguish. And I hated myself for not being able to protect my only child. But I've seen about every emotion one can have since then... Anymore it seems to be reduced to three... sadness... happiness...gratitude. So many people have praised my "bravery" or "strength" to create this website... and I hate to admit it, but this was not written out of either. it was written out of pain, and fear, and love. I started typing Carley's story on the computer late at night when my grief would keep me awake, because I didn't want to forget things. With all the medications and the shock of the whole event, I knew many little details would escape me. Then I planned to make this a private website for just my family and close friends because I did not think I had the strength to answer the most asked question, "What happened?". Then I began finding websites of other babies whose parents lost them... and children... and adult children... and I felt compelled to share Carley with all of you. Many of you have asked how I am doing these days... well, all I can tell you is that with the love and support of my amazing husband, I am making my way through. I am taking it one day at a time... or just one hour at a time, and sometimes just one moment at a time, but God does not give us anything we cannot handle. He must have a greater plan for me, for Steve, and apparently for Carley. I have to believe that. Christina, Carley's mom Click here to begin Carley's Story
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Although many people bypass
guestbooks, I would like very much to know who has taken the time, even if only
a few moments, to get to know my daughter. Please, take a few more moments
and sign her guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me!
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