A Mom's Journal: May 2001
050601
I worry a lot about what Mother's Day will be like for me. Just seeing all the advertisements about Mother's Day sales, gift ideas, places to go for brunch... all of it just makes me cringe. I'm not supposed to feel like this. I'm not supposed to be so apprehensive about next Sunday. I should be shopping for pretty mother/daughter dresses to wear to church, and I should be making plans to have brunch with my mother and mother-in-law.
Even though people reassure me that I really AM a mother, even if my child is not here on earth, it is hard to feel that way sometimes. How can I show pride for my "achievement" when all I have are ashes in a bronze urn?
051301
I have had a pretty miserable couple of days... I don't know why I thought that Mother's Day was not going to bother me. I had it all planned out. I was going to stand up in church and be recognized with all the other mothers. Well, I couldn't even stay in church. I left after Sunday School. Steve bought me a beautiful card. I cried when I read it.
I also got my M Day gift... Friday afternoon, 4 of my co-workers and I went to Lasting Impressions and I got Carley's footprints tattooed on my left shoulder. Bob, the ink artist, was able to paint them lightly so they really looked like inkprints. They are just beautiful. Now people will be able to see that I do have an angel on my shoulder - she left the footprints to prove it!
052301
I said goodbye to a friend today. Naomi Mooney was a sweet, tiny woman who attended our church. She died at the age of 88 with no living relatives, and was buried in our local cemetary next to her parents. To my knowledge she never married or had children. Naomi devoted her life to the Lord and was a faithful servant to him. I watched each week as she would open her pocketbook and put what little she had in the offering plate. Most of us give of our excess. Naomi gave of her every resource. She was the epitome of a Christian, loving everyone for who they were and what good they did, and she was always thankful for what she had. If anyone deserved to go to heaven, it was Naomi.
I will miss her smile and hearing her little voice welcome me with a "God bless you" whenever I saw her. I am happy, though, that she is finally with Jesus. It is the only place she really ever wanted to go. GOES HER
