A Mom's Journal: One Year Later
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People have asked me why I stopped writing here... I honestly can't tell you. Part of it was because I haven't had time, and part of it might be that I am moving on to "life without Carley". It has been nearly a year since we lost her, and there are still days when I can't believe she's gone... yet there are other days when Carley seems like a dream I once had.
Each milestone this last year as been tough... Easter, Mother's Day, Father's Day, even Halloween was tough. What would we have chosen for her costume? She would have made an adorable little chili pepper or black cat or pumpkin. Christmas was next to impossible.
On my birthday, I remembered the fact that I had an ultrasound on my birthday last year, and that was the very last time I actually SAW Carley alive. It made for a rough day.
All in all, though, I can tell you that things do get better in time. It is still hard when people ask us if we have kids. It is hard to look at newborn babies. It is hard to pass by the baby section at the local department store... but it is easier to talk about her now. I can tell you about her without crying. I can look at her picture and not shake. And I can see that life does go on, even without her with us.