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Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ~Mk 10:14 Carley's Site was last updated 01/03/02 10:47:49 PM
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I had been growing more and more impatient as the days drew closer to Carley's
due date, Valentine's Day. I was physically very uncomfortable, but
emotionally I was like a child on Christmas Eve...
My obstetrician was preparing to leave for a conference and had reluctantly promised me that if I was dilating and effacing enough, that he would induce me into labor before he went on his trip. I had an appointment with him the morning of February 12. I went to his office with a large cardboard sign that read "Will Work for Pitocin" on it. I knew he and his staff would get a kick out of it, especially since I had been pestering him to "get it out, already!" As his nurse, Jeri Ann, weighed me, I mentioned to her that I hadn't felt Carley move that morning in spite of a very large glass of orange juice. I hadn't thought too much of it, after all, it was still early morning and I'd been very busy at work. She said perhaps he'd want to do a non stress test that morning, just in case. Dr Downard came in and asked how I was feeling. I mentioned about Carley not kicking at me that morning as he took out his Doppler listening device and laid me back on the table. He placed the device on my belly and for the very first time since I began seeing him, I heard nothing coming through the monitor. He moved the device to several different spots, and as the moments passed, I felt my own heart begin to pound. "Are you worried?" I asked. He left the room and I dressed quickly. Part of me was beginning to panic and the other part of me began to "manage" things. I turned to Jeri Ann as she opened the door to the familiar ultrasound room and asked her to call my friend and co-worker, Dee, if something was wrong. My old friend, Jan, the ultrasonographer who had done so many "fun" ultrasounds for me during my pregnancy put her arm around me and led me to the table. I felt my control slipping away from me as she dimmed the lights and turned on the machine. The door opened, and Dr. Downard came in. And everything from that point on happened in slow motion and light speed simultaneously. Jan quickly tucked a towel around my clothes and placed the scanner on my belly. The monitor was tilted away from me, and something inside me told me not to ask her to turn it so I could see. As she swept the scanner over my belly, I watched her face and the face of my doctor, both were guarded and somber. After a few moments of silence he finally spoke. "Nothing," he said. Those words still echo in my head. Then that "manager" inside me kicked into high gear. I wanted to know what we were going to do and I wanted to do it. Now. Right now. I had them call my husband, Steve, and I called my pastor. I needed to call my parents, but didn't know how to tell them. In a very brief moment of clarity I decided to call my brother and ask him to go get Mom and Dad and bring them here. I didn't want them driving. "What happens now?" I asked. Continue
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Although many people bypass
guestbooks, I would like very much to know who has taken the time, even if only
a few moments, to get to know my daughter. Please, take a few more moments
and sign her guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me!
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