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Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ~Mk 10:14 Carley's Site was last updated 01/03/02 10:47:49 PM
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At 11:00 that night, Dr Downard came in to do the amnio and to check my progress. I had only dilated 1 centimeter since they gave me the first medication. That's All???? He did tell me I was fully effaced, which he said was more difficult to do than to dilate. They then administered the Pitocin and told me to wait and see what happened. The epidural was taking the edge off the pain at first, but as the night wore on, the pain became more intense. Sarah told me that it was the Pitocin. It works strong and hard. We ended up having to call Dr Drawbond, my anesthesiologist, back in to increase the strength of the epidural. I knew for certain was that I did not want them to do an autopsy on Carley. I didn't want anyone violating her. By doing an amnio, perhaps they would be able to find out the reason why she died, and whether or not it would happen to me again. You might note that I had already changed my mind at that point from never wanting to get pregnant again to maybe doing it someday. I didn't sleep much that night. My mind and body were in overdrive and sleeping just wasn't an option. The previous day was such a blur of people and decisions and noise that the stillness and peace of the night was welcomed. Like Glenda, Sarah was amazing. I became very close to her in those hours. She spent a lot of time with me, just talking. I found out that she had been through this too, TWICE. Although neither were term babies like Carley, they were still babies, and the loss was still very real. She was very honest with answers to my questions, and also gave me a lot of advice that (like the things that Glenda had suggested) seemed crazy to me at the time, but ended up being exactly right. Sometime during the night I began to get some serious pains on the left side of my back. And I had started to cry again. I sobbed because of the pain in my back and I sobbed for Carley. I'm not sure which hurt worse at that point, but the physical pain was by far a more urgent pain, and the only one that they could make go away. They called Dr Drawbond back in to check my epidural. Apparently I had what they call a "hot spot", a cluster of nerves that the epidural just doesn't cover. This pain was excruciating, and although I know it could be no worse than what other women go through, the fact that I was so numb everywhere else made it feel as though I was being stabbed repeatedly every 3 minutes. They had to find something more to make me comfortable. Unfortunately, the only thing left was a narcotic pain killer, morphine. Continue
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Although many people bypass
guestbooks, I would like very much to know who has taken the time, even if only
a few moments, to get to know my daughter. Please, take a few more moments
and sign her guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me!
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