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Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ~Mk 10:14 Carley's Site was last updated 01/03/02 10:47:49 PM
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Shawna and Steve stood on either side of me, they removed the bottom half of the
bed and we began to push with the contractions. They held my legs and I
gripped the bed as each round began. It was difficult for me to push
because I could not feel anything below my shoulder blades. I had to put
my hands on the top of my belly to feel when the contractions were coming.
The morphine made me so tired that I fell asleep between some of the them, so
eventually Shawna had to monitor them for me.
Breathing was also difficult. My throat was dry and Steve had to keep feeding me ice water between pushes. We tried three times each contraction, sometimes more if I was able - and I was surprised at what hard work it was. I was also shaking terribly this whole time. Whether from the stress or the drugs or the labor or the cold, I don't know. Shawna brought in blankets from the Operating Room and put them over my legs to help warm me, and I tried to relax and not fight the tremors. Dr Leeds came in shortly after we began. The four of us worked for 2 hours to free Carley. At four o'clock p.m., February 13, 2001, she was born. When he held her and told me we had finished, I paused, waiting, hoping to hear her take a breath and cry... I knew she wouldn't, but for that moment, I dared myself one last hope. Then I began to cry. Shawna asked if I wanted to hold her. I was afraid to at first. I was afraid to see her face, afraid of seeing all our hopes and dreams die with her. I watched her in the infant warmer and thought that she looked like a baby doll, all wrapped up and waiting for some little girl to come take her and toddle off... When Dr Leeds had finished putting the 2 stitches in, he gave us a preliminary guess as to why she left us. He found a large blood clot in her umbilical cord that likely cut her off from me. He couldn't give us a guarantee, but he said it was a pretty obvious abnormality. Even if he could not guarantee that this is what took her away from us, we were willing to take it. Any explanation was a welcomed relief. It wasn't until several days later that I realized Dr Leeds HAD been there with us all 2 hours of the delivery. And I know that isn't something a doctor would normally do - I don't know why it didn't register with me before. I asked him about that when I spoke with him the other day... He said, "I know that you needed me more than they did, so I had them clear my schedule for you," That type of kindness is something I can never repay. Continue
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Although many people bypass
guestbooks, I would like very much to know who has taken the time, even if only
a few moments, to get to know my daughter. Please, take a few more moments
and sign her guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me!
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