 |
Web Hosting by Netfirms | Free Domain Names by Netfirms |
|
 |
|
Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them. For the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. ~Mk 10:14 Carley's Site was last updated 01/03/02 10:47:49 PM
|
|
When I awoke Wednesday morning, it was very early - perhaps 4:00 or so. The night was still, the room was silent, and my body was free of drugs. I called for Sarah, whom I knew was caring for me through the night. I was disappointed that had taken the sleeping pill the night before, because I knew Sarah was starting her shift at 11:00 and I wanted to talk to her. She came in and we cried together and talked. I asked her if she had seen Carley yet, and she told me she hadn't. I knew I wanted to see her again, so I asked Sarah to bring her to me. She promised she would, but wanted me to sleep a little more, so I closed my eyes and tried. Sarah came in shortly after to tell me they would likely have a C-section to do at 5:00, so she may not get to spend more time with me until right before the shift change at 7:30. She promised that someone would get Carley for me, and promised she'd be back. The room was still again, and for the first time since the delivery, I put my hand on my belly and felt the emptiness there. And I began to cry. I think that morning was the first time I really let myself go. I sobbed so much I shook, I gasped for air, I couldn't speak, I just cried and cried and cried. Steve tried to console me, but I think we both knew that at that moment, I was inconsolable. I needed to scream and wail, to finally tell that manager in me to go away, and to let me feel things once again. When the sun came up, I called to have them bring Carley to me. To my surprise, Sarah came in with her. I thought she was in surgery, but apparently she had been taking time to prepare Carley for me. She wrapped her in warm blankets and made sure she was bathed and dressed. I asked her how she managed, and she told me she had a good, long cry first, then set herself to work. Again, I was amazed by this woman, as I was all the women who cared for us in the hospital. How tough their jobs must be. Right before 8:00, the room was full again. Dr Leeds, Shawna, Glenda, and Sarah all came in to see us. Glenda had not seen Carley yet, so she held her as we talked. I thanked them again for everything, even though I knew my words would never convey the depth of my gratitude. I realized that in this short period of time, I shared the most intimate of experiences, and the deepest of grief with the people in that room. I don't know if they carry these times with them in their hearts, but I suspect that they do. |
Although many people bypass
guestbooks, I would like very much to know who has taken the time, even if only
a few moments, to get to know my daughter. Please, take a few more moments
and sign her guestbook. It would mean a great deal to me!
|
